Why So Serious?

I don't even remember any longer where we were or what we were doing, but those words from her sweet, little mouth are seared into my memory.  Bella looked at me and asked "Momma, why are you always so serious?"  The truth is I don't know why.  I have so many reasons to be sad or thoughtful or even a touch angry, but no good reason for being so serious.

For the first time in my life, I can actually say that I have been battling depression.  The other night, I actually sat on my couch in the middle of the evening and just uncontrollably sobbed.  I want to talk about this a bit.  Ever since my Dad took off a bit over a year ago now, I have on more than one occasion reached out and made several phonecalls to try and find  therapist because I knew that this was going to be a hard one to process and I should probably get some help working through all of this.  Do you know how many therapists and counselors have called me back?  One!  One! This ladies and gentlemen is a HUGE problem.  If someone has actually gotten to the point where they are actively seeking out help and nobody calls them back, this is a problem!

For all of you who watch the news and wonder why these people who are so sad or completely mad didn't get help ...maybe, just maybe they tried and couldn't even get a call back.

I have endured and thrived in life despite having been molested at a young age, regardless of the fact that my grandmother was robbed of her life way too soon and that I sat there and held her hand as she took her last breath, notwithstanding the tragic death of a man I loved very much due to a suicide bomber, I have always been able to keep my head up, love in my heart and a smile on my face.  However, the postpartum depression I went through after Bella was born followed shortly thereafter by my fathers act of cowardice to just disappear, walk out on his wife and want nothing to do with his children ... these events over the past four years, have pushed me to the brink of losing my smile.  I know it, I can feel it, I have asked for help and my call has gone unanswered.

I am so thankful that I have been mostly able to keep a level head and certainly have not gotten as dark as some other people I know that have been afflicted with depression.  I know that I have to be my own advocate and just keep calling until I get a call back from someone that fits my needs, but the point is that we need to be honest with ourselves and with each other.  If we don't, we are harming ourselves, but also possibly teaching our minis that we should be serious or glum or angry ... that's no way to live.

My truth is that I was very affected by becoming a mother and than losing my father.  I have a beautiful life and a ton of reasons to smile, but it can be easy to lose focus of that and this time finding my way back has taken more work that I ever recall it requiring in the past.  In all this, I am starting to learn to give people more grace because none of us know what they may be battling with or who they asked for help that didn't return their phonecall.

I am still knee-deep in this lesson, I don't know what I will look like on the other side of this, but I do know that I have been cold to some people when I was angry even when I know they real answer is love.  I vow to be love, to try my hardest to not be so serious,  and I promise to return phone calls

Please excuse the interruption; life was happening

It's obvious that I was missing in action from the blogosphere for a while.  I was insanely busy trying not to go insane, be present for my daughter, changing jobs, and well trying to wrap my brain around some super huge shifts in my world.

We have been in our house for almost a year now, my sweet girl turned three years old, I have been at a new job for six months, and ... well, my family endured a huge blow when my father decided he no longer wanted to be a part of any of our lives. It's personal; I am not sure how public I want to be about it ... most of it isn't my story to tell, but the short version is after 36 years of marriage, my Dad decided to walk out on his entire family.  It's been an adjustment, the journey through the range of emotions has been rough to say the least.  Hearing my daughter ask me where her Papa is breaks my heart every time ... knowing that something in his mind is so terribly discontent that he is willing to not even know his only grandchild just about destroys me every time I think about it.

So we have been spending the last year building our new nest, trying to let our hearts heal, and creating new traditions.  Once the divorce is final and all is said and done, I may share more details of the human experience as I think there is much to learn in times like these, but now is not the right time or place.

However, for those of you that have been looking here for updates, I give you some of the photographic highlights of the past year of living, loving, and healing.

When things get rough, I turn to you.

As I mentioned in my previous post.  Life is challenging right now; we are all busy sorting out all the feelings that come along with life's struggles when they hit really close to home.  Am I mad?  Am I heartbroken?  Am I sad?  And what does it matter?  What does it change?  Or what if I should be concerned and there is a crazy explanation that makes this all forgivable?  The actual circumstances are inconsequential to this post, but what it comes down to is we all have experienced a hurt so severe that we have asked ourselves all these questions and searched for some answer that makes it hurt less.

So I find it best when I am in this headspace to count my blessings and practice gratitude.

Today, I am thankful for those little simple pleasures and the big characters in my life that make these fabulous little moments so memorable and special.  For instance,  this morning  I was driving Bella to "school" (daycare) when she asked me why Daddy had to go to work. (We are neck deep in the "why" phase.) So I said Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma all have to work so that we can have money to buy food, have a house, and to pay for things we want to do. Which was followed by "Why?" To which I explained that we live in a capitalistic economy. "Why?" Ummmmmmmmmmm .... so I begin to explain the foundation of capitalism in America and how it contributes to our political system and global trade (thinking I would throw her). I look back and see her little wheels turning, I mean I can  actually see her contemplating the origin of capitalism in America and she says, "why?" To which I say "I don't have an answer for that, but did you know a year has 525,600 minutes?" Then promptly bust out into an a capella version of RENT's Seasons of Love.

Oh my heart!  These tender random hilarious moments where I somehow managed to introduce my girl to the world of nerds via cerebralism and Broadway musicals all before 8am.  I am so thankful that my girl is inquisitive and persistent and funny and even more tickled that she smiled when I began singing arguably one of my favorite songs of all time.  And then magnified by the fact that all of that comes in this gorgeous little face.

Which brings me to her daddy, my handsome groom with an artist's soul, a tender heart, and a hand that always finds mine in our sleep.

 



This man defines love when he has every reason to have given up on people a very long time ago.  He has been my rock and has wiped far more tears than I care to admit to and endured even more cursing rants of frustration when nobody else was looking and I didn't have to be quite so strong.

Which, of course, means that I look upon my role models ... the women who shaped me and taught me how to be strong and stand-up for yourself and your family.

I am so grateful for how far my brother and I have come.  It's no secret that he and I haven't always seen eye-to-eye or agreed on what path is the correct one, but we have come leaps and bounds in the past few years.  I am so thankful that we can now speak as adults and discuss personal journeys, the best interest of ourselves and our family and be truly committed to supporting each other and playing vital roles in eachother's lives.  I am also extremely grateful for the woman in his life, who has been such a beautiful compliment to him and become a fast friend and "family" to us all.

 

Which reminds me how fortunate I am to have my Mother-in-law and sister-in-law who not only adopted me as Sean's wife, but as true family.  Allowing me to be a daughter, sister, and friend to them the best way I can figure how.

And then thankful for all my "sisters" who have called, texted, and emailed just to be an ear or a shoulder somehow always managing to deliver laughs, perspective and good news and help keep the balance of highs to these recent lows.

 

 

 

The colleagues who are proving to be dear friends and champions of women.

 



I even have a friend so new that I don't have a single picture with her yet.  What blessings!

So to combat the hurt, I turn my face away from the source and look upon all these amazing characters that make my life so colorful, beautiful, and remarkable.  For you all, I am so grateful.

sometimes everything goes completely sideways

I think I have cried at least once everyday for the past month.  All due to family strife of different sorts ... all seemingly hitting that tender chord with me of feeling misunderstood.  I have never been so mad, so sad, and so misunderstood.  My heart is broken, but I have the most amazing mother, the most loving husband and a remarkable family of friends ... all so willing to listen to me talk, watch me cry, and wipe my tears.

As I often say, "it'll all be OK in the end ... and if it's not OK right now, then it's not the end."

The heart hopes.
Namaste.

I had lots more to say

My beautiful health coach cousin, Heather, invited me to talk about Nutrition on our SHRED Challenge call last night.  I had a ton of notes and only 10 minutes to talk about it all.  I got so excited about what everyone was saying and sharing a single epiphany I've had about teaching my daughter nutrition that I fear I failed sharing probably some of the wisdom that was most applicable to the entire group.  So here's what else I wanted to share:

 

1) Herbalife is amazing and tastes great; my 2-year-old daughter begs for sips of my shakes.  Perhaps that is why Herbalife makes this.

 

2)  My husband started drinking one shake a day and just taking a lunch to work and lost nearly 25 lbs.  He was barely trying.  That speaks volumes about the impact even little purposeful changes to your nutrition can make huge differences in your health.

 

3)  Parents - please don't avoid working out at home because you have an audience (aka: our kiddos who laugh at everything).  My daughter thinks me doing push-ups and squats and crunches is hilarious!  Laughter is infectious and it works your abs!  Also, seize the moment, I had my best friend and her daughter, Daisy, over for a play date.  Daisy was doing something that resembled downward dog, so I said: "Yay!  You're doing yoga.  That's downward dog."  We laughed about the funny name and then she told me she is learning yoga in kindergarten.  So I ask her to show me what she is learning.  next thing you knew, we were having a little yoga session in my living room.  It turned out to be a great workout, my daughter was trying it too, and we made memories and got the kiddos excited about movement.  Win!  Score one for the parents.

 

4)  When making food choices for your family.  You can make the same dishes that you always did, just keep these things in mind: 

    a) Flip the ratio (make sure that the protein and veggies outweigh the starches on the plates)

    b) Dish up dinner on smaller plates (it tends to help people who are proned to clearing their plate  

          eat smaller portions)

    c) Keep the food on your plate colorful!  Naturally, colorful food is an indication that it's full of the good stuff (omegas, antioxidants, vitamins, minerals) and the kids looooooove color. For my   little one, I ask her to point out what food is green, blue, red, purple, etc.  It keeps her engaged.

    d) Just because someone in the family didn't eat a veggies or a healthy grain prepared one way   doesn't mean they'll hate it every way.  Don't give up; try new things.  Your family may think couscous is boring, but try adding toasted pine nuts, roasted garlic, some chopped parsley or arugula and a little feta ... orrrrr diced tomatoes, basil, and some grated parmiggiano reggiano. BOOM!  Yum fest!

    e) If veggies aren't your thing or your families thing, hide them!  We put chopped spinach in our meatloaf and grated zucchini in our home-made lemon bread.

   

I am by no stretch of the imagine a perfect mom, perfect wife or perfect human ... none of us are.  I make mistakes everyday.  What worked yesterday won't always work tomorrow, but I refuse to give up.  The key is that we are all human which means we have the awesome ability to adapt, overcome, improvise, and be a better version of ourselves than we were the day before.  Keep trying.  Keep in mind that fueling this gorgeous machine of our body is our number one responsibility, it affects every other aspect of what we do, see, and say.

 

OK, that's what I wanted to say.  To the SHREDDERS on the call last night, sorry I got off track and didn't get to share it all.  To my other readers, take care of yourself.  You wouldn't put off-brand regular unleaded in a Maserati, so why would you put artificial food with questionable ingredients and quality control in your body or the bodies of your loved ones.

Herbalife SHRED Challenge

So as some of you may know, I began on a health and weightloss journey in September 2011.  Bella was eight months old and I still had 7lbs of baby weight I wanted to get rid of.  I'll save the story of how it came to be for another blog, but I started Herbalife and began a mission to fit into all my suits again.  That was my goal.  Not a final weight or a final measurement, but just to be able to fit into my favorite black suit again.  So with the amazing modifications a woman's body makes to accommodate creating another human, losing the 7lbs was not enough to fit into the aforementioned suit again.  It took three months and 33 lbs to fit into that suit again, but I made it and I can rock it once again.

 

I have stayed on a maintenance plan with Herbalife, using the shakes and the supplements to stay healthy and have the energy to keep up with my growing toddler.  I love it, I feel amazing!  However, I have not made as much time to work out as I would like.  Did you notice the word choice there ... not I am too busy to work out, but that I have not made as much time to work out as my heart would like.  Thus, I am not as lean or strong as I dream of being.

 

So with the turning of the new year, my Herbalife family started a SHRED Challenge.  6 weeks, before and after pictures, top 2 men and top 2 women win a cash prize.  Perfect!!  Competition is a good way to encourage and in this competition all of the Shredders are sharing and encouraging each other, sharing recipes, workouts, motivational quotes and all things glorious and loving and encouraging.  I'm amped!  I am constantly being thoughtful and deliberate in my food choices.  However, we are at the top of Week 4 and my progress pics show no progress.  *sigh  The scale at one point showed 5 lbs. gone, but now I stand at only a 2lb. weight loss. *sigh 

 

I find myself being jealous of all the young 20-somethings in the challenge that do not have to cook for a family and thus can plan out an entire week of premade, premeasured low calorie, high protein meals.  They don't have to get home to bathe a child and thus have time to go to the gym everyday for 2 hours and burn 1200 calories in one gym session.  Then I snap out of it and remember that I am a 33-year-old mother who shares a home with my mother, father, husband, and daughter.  I love the challenge of finding ways to make healthy, nutritious, exciting, sensuous food for my family.  I remember that I live 15 miles from the closest gym and there are no lit sidewalks out here in the part of the county I live in.  I remember that I am an executive under extremely stressful, high pressure deadlines right now and I have managed to make time to do 30-minute Jillian Michaels videos here in my home office.  I remember that although my progress picture is not showing the physical transition that I have hoped for, the mental progress I have made is profound.  I love where I am in my life and I do not need to envy anyone else's reality.

 

For instance, last night rather than making the normal chicken enchilada casserole that used to consist of chicken, green chiles, tons of cheese, tortillas, and green chile sauce (from a can) that would usually be accompanied my Mexican-style rice or refried beans. I made the following variation:  Chicken and vegetable enchiladas (chicken, corn tortillas, half the cheese that would normally be included with corn, zucchini, squash, cilantro, and scratch-made tomatillo sauce) which was accompanied by a green salad with avocado, carrots, pepitas, organic heirloom tomatoes, cucumbers, and low-fat Trader Joe's Cilantro dressing.  My family ate it ... some even gave huge, glowing compliments of how delicious it was.  That, my friends, is success!  Success is not solely present in the number on a scale or whether or not your pants are looser.  Last night, it was present in the herbal tea I was drinking sweetened with organic agave rather than a Coke Zero.  It was present in the vitamin packed, reduced calorie, well-balanced, nutritious meal I made for my family.

 

I am so inspired by my Herbalife family and I want them to be inspired by me as well.  We are learning skills on how to improve our lives, by improving our health ... we are not solely learning how to have the most drastic before and after photo.  I am still fighting to win the competition, but I am being realistic and counting my daily victories and want to share it with all of you who may not be seeing the movement on the scale or your waist measurement that you were hoping for.  Success is defined by how we feel about ourselves everyday; are we proud of who we were today? I am; I am stoked on the shift I have made in myself!  I am so damn proud of how far I have come.  I am proud of the healthy habits I am teaching my family and modeling for my young daughter.  That success will never be present in a photograph other than the size of my smile in said photo.

 

Much love and health to you all!  And as a nod to the physical transition I have made.  Here is my before and after photo since Bella  was born and where I stand now in my current form.

What inspires you? What keeps you keeping on?

I have been so bad at keeping up with my blog; it always seems like something is going on.  I am so good at getting things done, making things happen for those I love, but I haven't been making time to write.  Tsk, tsk to me!  I am on the road today ... one of my infamous quick trips to Boston ... back on a plane tomorrow to head home to my handsome groom and my beautiful daughter!

 

We are in the midst of a huge life shift right now, the details of which will unfold and disclose themselves in their right time, but in the midst of this shift I have found myself really focusing on health.  Mine, Sean's and the health habits we are building in our daughter.

 

So I am human - a mom, a sister, a daughter, a friend, an executive (that travels a ton), a role model, and an enthusiast of life.  My default position is positive (albeit it took major life events to lock my dial on positive).

 

So in the midst of all of this, I find myself consciously acknowledging the things that keep me inspired.  So since every success we have as a human depends on how we feel ... every success depends on our health - mind and body.  With that said, I share with you the things that I fight to keep in the forefront of my mind because they keep me inspired to keep my chin up, eyes focused, and moving onward and upward.

 

This is what inspires me to keep healthy, to fight for my best health:

 

1) my daughter

2) not needing caffeine or energy drinks or sugar to keep my eyes open

3) not wanting to miss my bliss because I am not alert or able

4) wanting to be the bitchin' grandma (30 years from now when my daughter is a mother) that can go hiking with her grandkids, that can ride bikes, and jump in waves with my kid and the kids she may or may not choose to have one day

5) 50-year-old, mothers of three who practice Bikram six days a week and have a stronger, leaner body than i have ever had

6) those crazy Phoenicians who at 60+ years old still RUN up Piestewa Peak on Saturdays (you hear me, PHX?)

7) 60+ year old men who still paddle out to the breakers every morning

8) keeping my husband discovering new bliss everyday

9) inspiring my husband to continue discovering how healthy changes in his life overflow into every aspect of his life

10) feeling great on these long business road trips, so that if I have to be away from my family I can be confident that it was worth it and I did work worth being proud of

11) the complete and utter giddiness that washes over me every time an aesthetician or dermatologist tells me I have great skin!

12) wanting to be a positive role model for my two sister-in-laws who are nearly a generation younger than I

13) my undying desire to travel and learn more, see more, experience more

14) my fear of ever not being able to walk on my own

15) my fear of preventable disease

 

These are just a few of the things that have encouraged me and kept me on task as I try to build, shape, and refine my own health practice.  Good health means body and soul.  It starts in our cells with what we feed ourselves and everything expands out from there.  I am finding what works for me and I hope that you all take the time to actively acknowledge what inspires you and allow it to give you power to accomplish what you think you are not capable or worthy of.  Little hint:  you are capable and worthy of so much more than you give yourself credit for.

Biggest, Hugest case of the "I Don't Want Tos"

I officially have the biggest case of the "I Don't Want Tos" today.

I feel like a wandered seized by the quicksand of reason and rationale.  Ugh!  I think my lack of want for doing what I am supposed to be doing right now may be indicative of a need for a change.  I've felt the winds of change coming for a while, but they are really starting to blow hard.

Looking forward to seeing what it stirs up in me.

11 wonderful months

Today we are just one month away from our 1st wedding anniversary! And wow! It has been quite a ride! With that said, I realize that I have neglected to fill you all in on much of anything going on in our life, so I vow to get better at that. I know, I know ... I promised that before, but this time I mean it.

So strange to realize that it has already been 11 months since Deann captured this moment.

I am not going to lie; as a matter of fact, I am going to be very honest. This past 11 months has been so hard! Not because of anything between Sean and I, but rather just because life is hard for everyone right now. Mix that in with our whirlwind romance and getting married in less than a year of knowing eachother, life definitely has been testing our strength. The good news is that Sean and I have not faltered ... we have gotten stronger every day. Some days have been harder than others to spot the beauty and the lesson amongst the frustrations that life has brought us, but we have come out swingin' ...ready to take on the world and even more in love than the day before.

So when I woke up in Sean's arms this morning ... yes, we still hit snooze every morning to snuggle back up to eachother ... I felt this overwhelming sense of accomplishment and love and belonging. I am so excited to be married to this man ... he has taught me so much about love, life, and understanding.

Here's to our 11 months of hurdles and challenges and discovering we love each other more than we even thought possible.

Yay Team Brookshire!

Playing catch up ... again!

So I got playfully scolded the other day for slacking on my blog. I've been out of it ... consumed ... overwhelmed ... so many things that I feel like if I stop and breathe and get into the place in my heart and my head that I write from that I might just start crying uncontrollably. This phase in life is hard. It is. It's plain and simply hard ... so hard! I am Bonnie; I haven't lost the sunshiney outlook on life that I have developed over the past few years, but I am tired and the days are hard. I have been having moments where taking the high road and being graceful and restraining myself from yelling at the top of my lungs with frustration has grown increasingly unappealing, but they are fleeting moments. I just married my best friend and I come from an amazing family. I have phenomenal friends and I am so proud of all that I have accomplished in my 29 years, so those weak, frustrated moments are few and fleeting, but I would be lying if I said they weren't here. It's just a miss my husband and once you learn the magic of sharing your everyday with your partner, all of life's challenges begin to seem more daunting when your partner isn't by my side. So please forgive me for slacking on the blog as I find strength in the numbness from disconnect at times. I know that's a cowards way out, so I have been trying to reconnect and be more myself ... more honest with myself and the world about my blessings and disappointments. So I am trying ... thank you for the patience.

With that said, February all in all has been good. Work is picking up we are really BUSY again. My team is phenomenal at the office, the difficulty there comes from just not having enough time to get everything done at the office I want to and then with Matt's recent life commitments, he has decreased time and uninterrupted focus in the office. He's trying though ... he amazes me by how much he is to so many people, but I will be really glad when this phase of his life is over to and he can reconnect with the office. Again though, I am blessed that he gives me so much trust and power and respect in the office and let's me run the company as it were my own.

My parents came to visit me for my Dad's birthday .. which was so lovely. My family is great! It was my Dad's birthday and they drove all the way out here to see me. So I took my parents up to Jerome for some site-seeing and haunted hamburgers overlooking Sedona. We got in some fun shopping and some backyard steak-grilling which equals an all around fantastic weekend.

The next weekend, I went to go visit my handsome and loving husband. I flew into Tulsa so that we could spend some time with his grandfather ans so that I could meet his father and his father''s family. It was really nice to meet them and put faces with all the names and stories. And as an added bonus, I got to see the full picture of what Sean will look like as we grow old together.

Seriously, the resemblance is astounding!

While I was visiting Sean, he surprised me with tickets to the Tulsa Opera. It was really nice to have a date night out on the town, when we get to see each other so seldom these days.

I headed home on Tuesday night and had a few short days in the office before Sean's little sister, Taylor flew out to spend the weekend with me. It was a hard weekend ... since it was Sean's birthday and he wasn't here and I wasn't there with him. All in all, Taylor and I had a very fun weekend. She flew out this weekend so that I could take her to see Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater. Taylor just recently started dancing a few years ago and well, I just couldn't let her go without witnessing the force that is Alvin Ailey's company. It was fun; she enjoyed it .. that pretty much sums up the whole weekend.

Taylor is an amazing young woman and I feel really privileged to have gotten to spend the entire weekend with her. However, the above picture is not quite such an amazing photo of me, but whatever it was a special moment.

So that brings us to this week, I have to head to Pennsylvania for a meeting on Friday and then I will be in San Diego this weekend. OK now that we are caught up, I will try and pay more attention to the details of everyday.

Today was pretty dang great!

Today, despite the absence of my beloved husband, was a pretty dang good day. It was a gorgeous Phoenix spring morning with the promise of a storm blowing in which just happens to be some of my favorite weather and then the day just seemed to unfold quite nicely into perfect Saturday loveliness (except of course that my Sean wasn't here to share it with me).

Here are the reasons why today was a good day!

1) I mowed a lawn for the first time. Growing up a girl with a dad and a brother, I never really had any reason to be the one responsible for mowing the lawn and then until now if I lived somewhere with grass it came with a landscaping team to take care of it. So now, Sean and I are here in our rental house with a nice size lawn and Sean always takes it upon himself to take care of the mowing. So of course, with Sean gone, I now had to step up and take care of it myself. So today I mowed! I think I love it. I think I might steal it of of Sean's list of responsibilities. Fresh cut grass is one of my favorite smells in the world and I found it to be quite relaxing. A favorite smell, outside activity, and relaxing ... win, win, win in my book.

2) on my way to yoga today, I saw a man and a woman teaching someone how to ride a bike along the greenbelt ... bonus cuteness ... the person learning how to ride was probably in her late thirties! They all had these fabulous smiles on their faces and the student was sporting a helmet, knee pads and elbow pads. It really was such a rare moment that I got to be privilege to ... adults being astounding friends to one another and relishing in the joy of it like sweet innocent children. Fabulous!

3) I went to yoga! That is no officially the eighth time in 2 1/2 weeks including five days I spent in Arkansas with Sean and no chance of going to Bikram. So really that is eight times in about 13 days. I am very proud of myself and I feel so amazing. I am officially addicted to the Bikram yoga experience. The sweat, the meditation, the journey, the way it challenges my body in a different way each time. Love, love, love it!

4) I got a manicure and pedicure at my favorite place by my favorite girl! 'nuff said.

Today was a study is fabulousness for which I am thankful to have participated in. Now if I was just lucky enough to get to crawl into bed with my husband too .... ohhhh that would be sweet! Alas, that apparently is asking too much since I won't have Sean back in our home 'til April at the earliest. Oh well! I will keep counting my blessing and focusing on the positive. I hope you all are having an equally as lovely Saturday.

still smiling ... and laughing at life's little qwerks

So working in my industry and spending my entire day corresponding with people. The following are the list of pet peeves I have acquired that usually cause fits of annoyed yet entertained laughter:

1.) people who speak in pronouns

2.) emails with no subject lines

3.) emails where the entire content of the email is in the subject line and the body is empty.

4.) people who ask questions in a reply to an email that they obviously didn't read because had they read it they would have the answer to their question.

5.) voicemails in which people don't leave their phone number or they do leave their phone number but only say it once and at lightening speed.

Hahaha ... I swear I am going to start a business etiquette consulting firm! Until the economy is a little more conducive to me starting such a venture I will just keep giggling and keeping a list of these things and call it research.

Oh, how I love the characters that are human beings!

The right side of the bed

So the past couple of months, with the exception of the fabulousness that was our wedding, life has been a bit of ummmmmm ...shall we say a bitch (please excuse my language)!

Life has been testing me that's for sure. I kinda feel like life has been Will Smith's character is 7 Pounds and I have been all those people being tested to see if they were still good and kind when people or life was cruel and unfair. If you don't get what I am saying, I highly recommend checking out the movie. Warning: it's very emotionally intense.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that I refuse to be anything less than fabulous. As the Parrotheads say, "No bad days!" I will not let life kick my butt; situations can be wretched, but I refuse to be.

I woke this morning inspired ... feeling like myself again. Amazing what not having to get up four times in the middle of the night with the dogs can do for your outlook on life. ;)

So anyway, watch out world! I love my life, my husband, my family, my family of friends, and all the wonderful variations to my days.

My name is Bonnie and I found the right side of the bed this morning!

My New Year's Resolutions

I don't normally make resolutions, but I think I can keep these ones and they are worth striving for anyhow ... so here they are:

1) Communicate better, more fairly, and more often
2) Laugh more
3) Love deeper and stronger
4) Be thankful
5) Be a better friend
6) Fulfill more of my life's passions

I think that sounds like a good year's work.

...because I have 17 more days until I see my husband and I am trying everything I can to keep smiling.

So really .... although life has been beating me up a bit and testing my strength, faith, and perseverance, I really am still a very lucky girl. Yeah sure, my husband is on the wretched project that has taken him out of town for the first few months of our marriage, but at least I am blessed enough to have found my soulmate, my bestfriend, my better half, my husband. I have a man that has my picture in his car and calls me multiple times a day just to make sure that I don't forget how much he loves me.

Maybe my cable was shut off without notice and my account sold to satellite the night before I had a housesitter for four days, but at least I can afford to have cable.

...and yes, my external hard drive corrupted and I lost half my pictures, but thankfully, I had already uploaded most of them to be printed which means I can at least have prints.

So without question, the property manager of the house Sean and I rent is impossible to work with, irresponsible, rude, and lacks follow-through, but we love this house, we have a roof over our head, and it has a great big yard for our dogs to run in.

So these days, when I feel like the world is just taking blow after blow at me and I can't help but cry (which is pretty much daily) ... these are the things I think about and I smile.

This picture of Sean and his grandfather from our wedding...

My wonderful team of employees that decorated my office for my return from mine and Sean's mini-moon...

...the fact that a week after my wedding I had 12th row center seats to see Jason Mraz in concert and he performed mine and Sean's song from our first dance...

... the fact that Sean and I probably spent 15 minutes trying to get Teagan to stand on a scale so we would know how much our dogs weigh...

So in the spirit of our recent Thanksgiving, I am thankful for everyday of this life ... even these recent days that just haven't been going as planned. I'm blessed. I have an amazing family, fabulous friends and an exquisite man as my husband ... for these things I am thankful and I promise to smile.