Please excuse the interruption; life was happening

It's obvious that I was missing in action from the blogosphere for a while.  I was insanely busy trying not to go insane, be present for my daughter, changing jobs, and well trying to wrap my brain around some super huge shifts in my world.

We have been in our house for almost a year now, my sweet girl turned three years old, I have been at a new job for six months, and ... well, my family endured a huge blow when my father decided he no longer wanted to be a part of any of our lives. It's personal; I am not sure how public I want to be about it ... most of it isn't my story to tell, but the short version is after 36 years of marriage, my Dad decided to walk out on his entire family.  It's been an adjustment, the journey through the range of emotions has been rough to say the least.  Hearing my daughter ask me where her Papa is breaks my heart every time ... knowing that something in his mind is so terribly discontent that he is willing to not even know his only grandchild just about destroys me every time I think about it.

So we have been spending the last year building our new nest, trying to let our hearts heal, and creating new traditions.  Once the divorce is final and all is said and done, I may share more details of the human experience as I think there is much to learn in times like these, but now is not the right time or place.

However, for those of you that have been looking here for updates, I give you some of the photographic highlights of the past year of living, loving, and healing.

When things get rough, I turn to you.

As I mentioned in my previous post.  Life is challenging right now; we are all busy sorting out all the feelings that come along with life's struggles when they hit really close to home.  Am I mad?  Am I heartbroken?  Am I sad?  And what does it matter?  What does it change?  Or what if I should be concerned and there is a crazy explanation that makes this all forgivable?  The actual circumstances are inconsequential to this post, but what it comes down to is we all have experienced a hurt so severe that we have asked ourselves all these questions and searched for some answer that makes it hurt less.

So I find it best when I am in this headspace to count my blessings and practice gratitude.

Today, I am thankful for those little simple pleasures and the big characters in my life that make these fabulous little moments so memorable and special.  For instance,  this morning  I was driving Bella to "school" (daycare) when she asked me why Daddy had to go to work. (We are neck deep in the "why" phase.) So I said Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma all have to work so that we can have money to buy food, have a house, and to pay for things we want to do. Which was followed by "Why?" To which I explained that we live in a capitalistic economy. "Why?" Ummmmmmmmmmm .... so I begin to explain the foundation of capitalism in America and how it contributes to our political system and global trade (thinking I would throw her). I look back and see her little wheels turning, I mean I can  actually see her contemplating the origin of capitalism in America and she says, "why?" To which I say "I don't have an answer for that, but did you know a year has 525,600 minutes?" Then promptly bust out into an a capella version of RENT's Seasons of Love.

Oh my heart!  These tender random hilarious moments where I somehow managed to introduce my girl to the world of nerds via cerebralism and Broadway musicals all before 8am.  I am so thankful that my girl is inquisitive and persistent and funny and even more tickled that she smiled when I began singing arguably one of my favorite songs of all time.  And then magnified by the fact that all of that comes in this gorgeous little face.

Which brings me to her daddy, my handsome groom with an artist's soul, a tender heart, and a hand that always finds mine in our sleep.

 



This man defines love when he has every reason to have given up on people a very long time ago.  He has been my rock and has wiped far more tears than I care to admit to and endured even more cursing rants of frustration when nobody else was looking and I didn't have to be quite so strong.

Which, of course, means that I look upon my role models ... the women who shaped me and taught me how to be strong and stand-up for yourself and your family.

I am so grateful for how far my brother and I have come.  It's no secret that he and I haven't always seen eye-to-eye or agreed on what path is the correct one, but we have come leaps and bounds in the past few years.  I am so thankful that we can now speak as adults and discuss personal journeys, the best interest of ourselves and our family and be truly committed to supporting each other and playing vital roles in eachother's lives.  I am also extremely grateful for the woman in his life, who has been such a beautiful compliment to him and become a fast friend and "family" to us all.

 

Which reminds me how fortunate I am to have my Mother-in-law and sister-in-law who not only adopted me as Sean's wife, but as true family.  Allowing me to be a daughter, sister, and friend to them the best way I can figure how.

And then thankful for all my "sisters" who have called, texted, and emailed just to be an ear or a shoulder somehow always managing to deliver laughs, perspective and good news and help keep the balance of highs to these recent lows.

 

 

 

The colleagues who are proving to be dear friends and champions of women.

 



I even have a friend so new that I don't have a single picture with her yet.  What blessings!

So to combat the hurt, I turn my face away from the source and look upon all these amazing characters that make my life so colorful, beautiful, and remarkable.  For you all, I am so grateful.

sometimes everything goes completely sideways

I think I have cried at least once everyday for the past month.  All due to family strife of different sorts ... all seemingly hitting that tender chord with me of feeling misunderstood.  I have never been so mad, so sad, and so misunderstood.  My heart is broken, but I have the most amazing mother, the most loving husband and a remarkable family of friends ... all so willing to listen to me talk, watch me cry, and wipe my tears.

As I often say, "it'll all be OK in the end ... and if it's not OK right now, then it's not the end."

The heart hopes.
Namaste.

WooHoo! Bella's 2!

So our little girl is two years old already! Where did the time go?  Seriously ... all signs of my baby are rapidly disappearing.  So to celebrate her big birthday, we threw her a little bash of her family and our friends and their kiddos.

Having a birthday is February, the weather (especially here) can be unpredictable.  So we made sure to plan a little art activity for Bella and friends since we had no guarantee that Mother Nature was going to allow the kids to run outside ... which she didn't, instead she rained and even snowed for a brief while!

Since we have called Bella, "Bug" since she was born and we knew we were going to have some of her male cousins over, we did a Bug-themed party.

So for their art activity, we got each of the kids two plaster bugs to paint.  As an added "cute" bonus, my Mom made each of the kids a little art apron with bugs all over it.  I think it was a hit! 

 

My cousin (3rd gen), Sonja, even brought her newborn baby boy Sterling to the party.  He and Bella are 4th cousins ...Eek!  I love that!  Bella even had two other 4th cousins there (Ethan and Damon).

Although this party was to celebrate Bella, I felt as though I was the one receiving all the blessings.  I had two of my dearest high school friends here with their daughters, my family, a post-college roommate and her husband, and some new friends that  meshed so seamlessly with all of us.

 

 

As if that wasn't reason enough to feel blessed, they were all here to celebrate our sweet Bug!  We even had friends of my parents who have become family to me, here building "family bonds" with my daughter.  How lucky I am to have wonderful relationships with so many loving people?

 

 

 

 

My hope is that we are surrounding Bella with people and moments that leave here having fond, happy childhood memories.  I hope that she always stays so happy. 

 

 

I think my favorite moment of the entire day was as Bella was opening each present, I would tell her who the card was from and without any prompt, she signed and whispered "thank you" to each person. Proud mommy moment! She does listen when I am trying to teach manners.

Happy Birthday, my mighty little Bella!  We all love watching you grow up!



What inspires you? What keeps you keeping on?

I have been so bad at keeping up with my blog; it always seems like something is going on.  I am so good at getting things done, making things happen for those I love, but I haven't been making time to write.  Tsk, tsk to me!  I am on the road today ... one of my infamous quick trips to Boston ... back on a plane tomorrow to head home to my handsome groom and my beautiful daughter!

 

We are in the midst of a huge life shift right now, the details of which will unfold and disclose themselves in their right time, but in the midst of this shift I have found myself really focusing on health.  Mine, Sean's and the health habits we are building in our daughter.

 

So I am human - a mom, a sister, a daughter, a friend, an executive (that travels a ton), a role model, and an enthusiast of life.  My default position is positive (albeit it took major life events to lock my dial on positive).

 

So in the midst of all of this, I find myself consciously acknowledging the things that keep me inspired.  So since every success we have as a human depends on how we feel ... every success depends on our health - mind and body.  With that said, I share with you the things that I fight to keep in the forefront of my mind because they keep me inspired to keep my chin up, eyes focused, and moving onward and upward.

 

This is what inspires me to keep healthy, to fight for my best health:

 

1) my daughter

2) not needing caffeine or energy drinks or sugar to keep my eyes open

3) not wanting to miss my bliss because I am not alert or able

4) wanting to be the bitchin' grandma (30 years from now when my daughter is a mother) that can go hiking with her grandkids, that can ride bikes, and jump in waves with my kid and the kids she may or may not choose to have one day

5) 50-year-old, mothers of three who practice Bikram six days a week and have a stronger, leaner body than i have ever had

6) those crazy Phoenicians who at 60+ years old still RUN up Piestewa Peak on Saturdays (you hear me, PHX?)

7) 60+ year old men who still paddle out to the breakers every morning

8) keeping my husband discovering new bliss everyday

9) inspiring my husband to continue discovering how healthy changes in his life overflow into every aspect of his life

10) feeling great on these long business road trips, so that if I have to be away from my family I can be confident that it was worth it and I did work worth being proud of

11) the complete and utter giddiness that washes over me every time an aesthetician or dermatologist tells me I have great skin!

12) wanting to be a positive role model for my two sister-in-laws who are nearly a generation younger than I

13) my undying desire to travel and learn more, see more, experience more

14) my fear of ever not being able to walk on my own

15) my fear of preventable disease

 

These are just a few of the things that have encouraged me and kept me on task as I try to build, shape, and refine my own health practice.  Good health means body and soul.  It starts in our cells with what we feed ourselves and everything expands out from there.  I am finding what works for me and I hope that you all take the time to actively acknowledge what inspires you and allow it to give you power to accomplish what you think you are not capable or worthy of.  Little hint:  you are capable and worthy of so much more than you give yourself credit for.

Bella's First Friend

There are approximately 80 million reasons why we are happy that we moved back to San Diego.  However, there are still a very important handful of things we miss about Phoenix.

Phoenix was good to us overall.  Sean and I met, fell in love and married there.  I, at the young age of 27, helped build a now thriving company.  We started our family there (well kinda).  We made good friends in Phoenix too, but more importantly that's where Bella made her first friend, Stella.  Yep, you read correctly; I said Stella.  Can you stand it?  Stella and Bella.  Eeek!  Too cute for words and they are only 4 days apart in age; Stella being younger.

We were super excited that we met Stella and the bonus was that she was a neighbor and lived about a block down the street.  BONUS!  The "Ellas" as we started to refer to the girls as couldn't have been more opposite except for the fact that they are both the sweetest little loves your heart could possibly imagine.  EXTRA BONUS ... Stella's family is amazing too!  We miss the Hinskis.  Stella's Mom, Sandra, and I had lots in common; she even understood what I do for work!  That's saying a lot since most people don't understand what I do. I miss our morning coffee dates with our beautiful daughters.

We loved watching them together.  Bella was always reaching out to hold Stella's hand or to touch her.  Stella even came and took Baby Splash classes with us.

My Mom even made them matching outfits.

We love you Stella Rose!  We miss your sweet face and your mommy, daddy, and brother too!