Why So Serious?

I don't even remember any longer where we were or what we were doing, but those words from her sweet, little mouth are seared into my memory.  Bella looked at me and asked "Momma, why are you always so serious?"  The truth is I don't know why.  I have so many reasons to be sad or thoughtful or even a touch angry, but no good reason for being so serious.

For the first time in my life, I can actually say that I have been battling depression.  The other night, I actually sat on my couch in the middle of the evening and just uncontrollably sobbed.  I want to talk about this a bit.  Ever since my Dad took off a bit over a year ago now, I have on more than one occasion reached out and made several phonecalls to try and find  therapist because I knew that this was going to be a hard one to process and I should probably get some help working through all of this.  Do you know how many therapists and counselors have called me back?  One!  One! This ladies and gentlemen is a HUGE problem.  If someone has actually gotten to the point where they are actively seeking out help and nobody calls them back, this is a problem!

For all of you who watch the news and wonder why these people who are so sad or completely mad didn't get help ...maybe, just maybe they tried and couldn't even get a call back.

I have endured and thrived in life despite having been molested at a young age, regardless of the fact that my grandmother was robbed of her life way too soon and that I sat there and held her hand as she took her last breath, notwithstanding the tragic death of a man I loved very much due to a suicide bomber, I have always been able to keep my head up, love in my heart and a smile on my face.  However, the postpartum depression I went through after Bella was born followed shortly thereafter by my fathers act of cowardice to just disappear, walk out on his wife and want nothing to do with his children ... these events over the past four years, have pushed me to the brink of losing my smile.  I know it, I can feel it, I have asked for help and my call has gone unanswered.

I am so thankful that I have been mostly able to keep a level head and certainly have not gotten as dark as some other people I know that have been afflicted with depression.  I know that I have to be my own advocate and just keep calling until I get a call back from someone that fits my needs, but the point is that we need to be honest with ourselves and with each other.  If we don't, we are harming ourselves, but also possibly teaching our minis that we should be serious or glum or angry ... that's no way to live.

My truth is that I was very affected by becoming a mother and than losing my father.  I have a beautiful life and a ton of reasons to smile, but it can be easy to lose focus of that and this time finding my way back has taken more work that I ever recall it requiring in the past.  In all this, I am starting to learn to give people more grace because none of us know what they may be battling with or who they asked for help that didn't return their phonecall.

I am still knee-deep in this lesson, I don't know what I will look like on the other side of this, but I do know that I have been cold to some people when I was angry even when I know they real answer is love.  I vow to be love, to try my hardest to not be so serious,  and I promise to return phone calls

My Reasons Why: Essential Oils

I have recently dove head first into the world of essential oils. Some of you know that my day job is in the pharmaceutical/biotech realm and the contrast between my day job and the implementation of essential oils may seem incongruent and to others of you it may make perfect sense.

To this story, I add a piece of history. When I was in high school and volunteering at a local hospital because I dreamed of going to medical school, I had a positive PPD (the skin test for exposure to tuberculosis), in short, it was determined that I had latent tuberculosis and the doctors decided to put my on a drug known as INH (Isoniazid).

At the time, they believe that patients should be on the INH therapy for two years in order to be effective. During the time I was on this treatment, I experienced most of the side effects listed on the package insert (fainting, dizziness, numbness and tingling in the extremities, fever, upset stomach, excessive tiredness, weakness, lack of energy, loss of appetite and on at least one occasion, convulsions. The doctor's response was loosely " just take the medicine at night so most of the effects hit you at night during your sleeping hours." Fast forward 11 months and the rules for INH therapy had changed and it had been determined that 9 months were likely to be as effective as the previously supported two year therapy and I was removed from the therapy and received my INH completion card.

Fast forward a few years and I began to suffer from chronic back pain and migraines, so debilitating that some days I could not bring myself to get out of bed. Fast forward some more and you see me gain 40lbs and have headaches so severe that on top of the migraines, I have an unending residual tension headache and spend a lot of time crying from the pain. I saw general practitioners, physical therapists, neurologists and they all just threw more pharmaceuticals at my and six weeks of traction which just exacerbated the situation. I eventually went to a chiropractor for the first time who deduced that all the fainting, dizziness, convulsions, etc. from the INH had caused so much trauma to my spine that I had developed vertebral subluxations which are when one or more of the bones of your spine (vertebrae) move out of position and create pressure on, or irritate spinal nerves. the subluxations were so bad that i had lost some of the natural curvature in my spine and the nerve disturbance so sever that the chiropractic stated that he was amazed that I was not suicidal. I wasn't ... thankfully. However, I had reached my breaking point. I was a finishing up college at San Diego State University when my dance professor saw how much pain I was in and introduced me to her husband who would become my acupuncturist. That man literally saved my life! This was my introduction to a more naturalistic approach to self-care and overall healthcare. He introduced me to Chinese herbs and supplements and through my time getting to know him and his family, I learned more about the importance of whole foods. I could write a whole separate post about that altogether, but the point is that was tipping point in my life. That's when the history of medicinal herbs and foods and the centuries old practices of energy healing came into focus for me and became my first approach to everything.

Let me be clear, science is amazing and there have been some remarkable advancements in western medicine. I am not by any means belittling western medicine. My point is that I believe strongly that there is a time and place for both naturalistic approaches and the more scientifically or technologically driven approaches. Yin and Yang when in balance.

So many years later I meet my husband, he suffers from chronic pain due to a life of ruff and tumble and jobs that require brute strength combined with endurance. He's been hard on him. Ever since I have known him it has been whiskey every night and anti-inflammatories or extended-release pain meds during the day ... just to get him through the aches and pains of being in his own skin. i of course with my own experience and reading drug side effects everyday worry about what that could be doing to his body in the long run.

When we had our daughter, we were blessed to have a healthy baby - she did have a bit of colic, but no reflux, no chronic ear infections, no diaper rash or yeast infections, she didn't even really spit up much, but when she was 15 months old she had her first febrile seizure. It lasted seven minutes and I thought my heart might just break into a gazillion pieces. We learned later that they are benign and she will likely outgrow them, but that we need to manage her fevers when she gets them very aggressively ... which means acetaminophen and ibuprofen, cool wash clothes, light clothing, and occasionally cool baths. That's when I started hearing people recommending peppermint oil on the feet of babes to help reduce fevers. My interest was piqued, but I honestly didn't move on it until she had another seizure and another. She's had three now that we know of ... each one different, each one I feel like I might just die watching her little body seize and jerk.

This was about the same time that my husband was developing a hand injury from his 'hands on' work and was in another level of pain that also happened to interfere with his everyday functioning. Imagine not being able to pour a cup of coffee because your hand gets stuck in the gripped position around the coffee pot handle.  Frustrating!

That's when the essential oil conversation got louder and louder in my world. I began to listen and do my research and that's when I was introduced to Young Living Essential Oils. I sat down with some friends who had integrated essential oils (EOs) into their lives. Their testimonials were inspiring, exciting, and promising. I read more, asked more and I decided to try and integrate EOs into my life.

Since we have started using EOs, I have found a combination of EOs that my husband applies topically to reduce body pain and another one for headaches. He has since reduced his intake of ibuprofen by 95%. I have used peppermint oil in combination with pharmaceutical fever reducers to get my daughter's fevers down in less time with less need for rescue medications.





Oh and did I mention that she was suffering also from chronic nosebleeds (sometimes 3 a day) which have been reduced by 99% since I started using geranium oil on the bridge of her nose twice a day.

My husband and my daughter both fall asleep quicker and stay asleep more peacefully since using lavender and cedarwood oils on them every night. And I avoided a swollen ankle and days of an awkward uncomfortable gait after I took a tumble and twisted my ankle by simply applying lemongrass oil to my hurt ankle.

I friend suffering hair loss is seeing increased regrowth after I made her a blend of EOs. All of this accomplished with a reduced presence of pharmaceuticals in our life. Again, I am not anti-pharma. I work in pharma ... it's my day job, but I am an advocate for safe medications, patient-centric medicine and a healthy lifestyle.




So when people ask me why I am so passionate about EOs, Less pain and suffering for my groom and my daughter all due to a naturalistic, less toxic approach to treating what ails us. I have been on the receiving end of the side effects from pharmaceuticals, those risks aren't to be taken lightly. Sometimes the risks are outweighed by the potential benefit, but why take that gamble when it's not necessary.

Please excuse the interruption; life was happening

It's obvious that I was missing in action from the blogosphere for a while.  I was insanely busy trying not to go insane, be present for my daughter, changing jobs, and well trying to wrap my brain around some super huge shifts in my world.

We have been in our house for almost a year now, my sweet girl turned three years old, I have been at a new job for six months, and ... well, my family endured a huge blow when my father decided he no longer wanted to be a part of any of our lives. It's personal; I am not sure how public I want to be about it ... most of it isn't my story to tell, but the short version is after 36 years of marriage, my Dad decided to walk out on his entire family.  It's been an adjustment, the journey through the range of emotions has been rough to say the least.  Hearing my daughter ask me where her Papa is breaks my heart every time ... knowing that something in his mind is so terribly discontent that he is willing to not even know his only grandchild just about destroys me every time I think about it.

So we have been spending the last year building our new nest, trying to let our hearts heal, and creating new traditions.  Once the divorce is final and all is said and done, I may share more details of the human experience as I think there is much to learn in times like these, but now is not the right time or place.

However, for those of you that have been looking here for updates, I give you some of the photographic highlights of the past year of living, loving, and healing.

Our Humble Little Home on the Hill

Big news!  We've moved!  We are officially homeowners for the first time in our lives and we are madly and passionately in love with this humble little house on the hill.  She's older and needs a lot of TLC, but we find her charming and loveable! 

 

Oh and she might have the most incredible view of East County San Diego!

Vent Session: Discontent Tax-Paying Stakeholder

I have this job.  It's a career really ... a career I never could have imagined I would have.  It has presented me with opportunities to do something I am very good at, make a name for myself at a very young age, travel, meet astounding minds and colorful characters, and work very, very hard.  I have been in this industry for 10 years now.  It is a highly government regulated industry and one of the functions of my position are to ensure we are complying with these federal regulations.  I work in biomedical clinical research which means that I answer to the Department of Health and Human Services, the FDA and the Office of Human Research Protection. 

Two weeks ago, I got a call from one of the aforementioned agencies to announce an inspection at my place of business starting the following Monday.  This is the fourth time in my career I have hosted these types of inspections.  All previous inspections have been successful with no or minimal findings ... none of which required any official action.  Yet no matter how good you are at what you do, this is a nerve-wracking experience.  It's the equivalent of your accountant being audited by the IRS.  Similar to that feeling you get when a police officer pulls up behind you at a traffic light and even though you know you aren't doing anything wrong, you get nervous.  It feels like that. 

In my industry, a poor performance at one of these inspections can cost you your business and all of your employees their jobs, so I take this very seriously.  My company and our team do a very good job, but it's my job to make sure they do their jobs perfectly.  If we don't do it perfectly, we get cited and those citations can become public record.

This wonderful career I have also allows me to telecommute to my office hundreds of miles away from my home in California.  However, this inspection requires me to be in office.  So I arrived to my office two days before the start of the inspection to prepare for what I anticipated to be a three, maybe four, day inspection.  We are now ten days into this work trip for me.  The agency investigator has been arriving late, leaving early, and is extremely naive with regard to scope of our function within the industry.  I have spent the majority of the time the inspector is on premises explaining what we do, teaching certain terms within the regulations that they are supposed to be an expert on, and then today ... the inspector doesn't even bother to show up.

I have explained to the inspector that I have traveled to be in town for this inspection, that I had a conference to be at on the other side of the country starting tomorrow.  I expressed that I understand they have an assignment to fulfill, but I have other work travel commitments, deadlines with our accrediting body, as well as a toddler and a husband at home waiting for me to get home, so if there is anything I can do to help streamline the process or expedite any of the process, I would gladly do it.  Reciprocity.  You let me know what you need and I will get it to you.  No delay, no stammering ... just ask and ye shall receive.  Apparently none of that matters, I am on Day 10 of a business trip, costing my company hundreds of dollars a day to have me here and this investigator (whose salary we pay with our tax dollars) is completely wasting my time.  As a taxpayer, a mother, a professional, and someone who works really hard at meeting tight timelines and doing my job efficiently, I am offended by this investigator's mediocrity and blatant disregard for all of the lives, business plans, and money that are being sacrificed to host this inspection,

I am frustrated.  Even if I wasn't missing my husband and my baby (which I am), I would be offended.  Mediocrity offends me.  This agency is charged with making sure we are doing our job perfectly, yet they are allowed to not even understand what they are evaluating; they are allowed to be mediocre.  How is that fair?  As a tax-paying citizen and thus a stakeholder in the business that is America's government, I am disgusted at the disrespect and disregard that this individual government employee is displaying towards me and my company.  I have a front row seat to the stereotypical government employee doing the bare minimum.

I could say so much more, but I won't.  The only way we are going to change the unengaged, uninvested, disenchanted stereotypical government employee is to speak up and let the government know that as stakeholders, it's not acceptable for our employees to be treating us this way.  Once this inspection is complete, there will be letters written to Congressmen and Department heads at aforementioned agency relaying my discontent.

When things get rough, I turn to you.

As I mentioned in my previous post.  Life is challenging right now; we are all busy sorting out all the feelings that come along with life's struggles when they hit really close to home.  Am I mad?  Am I heartbroken?  Am I sad?  And what does it matter?  What does it change?  Or what if I should be concerned and there is a crazy explanation that makes this all forgivable?  The actual circumstances are inconsequential to this post, but what it comes down to is we all have experienced a hurt so severe that we have asked ourselves all these questions and searched for some answer that makes it hurt less.

So I find it best when I am in this headspace to count my blessings and practice gratitude.

Today, I am thankful for those little simple pleasures and the big characters in my life that make these fabulous little moments so memorable and special.  For instance,  this morning  I was driving Bella to "school" (daycare) when she asked me why Daddy had to go to work. (We are neck deep in the "why" phase.) So I said Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma all have to work so that we can have money to buy food, have a house, and to pay for things we want to do. Which was followed by "Why?" To which I explained that we live in a capitalistic economy. "Why?" Ummmmmmmmmmm .... so I begin to explain the foundation of capitalism in America and how it contributes to our political system and global trade (thinking I would throw her). I look back and see her little wheels turning, I mean I can  actually see her contemplating the origin of capitalism in America and she says, "why?" To which I say "I don't have an answer for that, but did you know a year has 525,600 minutes?" Then promptly bust out into an a capella version of RENT's Seasons of Love.

Oh my heart!  These tender random hilarious moments where I somehow managed to introduce my girl to the world of nerds via cerebralism and Broadway musicals all before 8am.  I am so thankful that my girl is inquisitive and persistent and funny and even more tickled that she smiled when I began singing arguably one of my favorite songs of all time.  And then magnified by the fact that all of that comes in this gorgeous little face.

Which brings me to her daddy, my handsome groom with an artist's soul, a tender heart, and a hand that always finds mine in our sleep.

 



This man defines love when he has every reason to have given up on people a very long time ago.  He has been my rock and has wiped far more tears than I care to admit to and endured even more cursing rants of frustration when nobody else was looking and I didn't have to be quite so strong.

Which, of course, means that I look upon my role models ... the women who shaped me and taught me how to be strong and stand-up for yourself and your family.

I am so grateful for how far my brother and I have come.  It's no secret that he and I haven't always seen eye-to-eye or agreed on what path is the correct one, but we have come leaps and bounds in the past few years.  I am so thankful that we can now speak as adults and discuss personal journeys, the best interest of ourselves and our family and be truly committed to supporting each other and playing vital roles in eachother's lives.  I am also extremely grateful for the woman in his life, who has been such a beautiful compliment to him and become a fast friend and "family" to us all.

 

Which reminds me how fortunate I am to have my Mother-in-law and sister-in-law who not only adopted me as Sean's wife, but as true family.  Allowing me to be a daughter, sister, and friend to them the best way I can figure how.

And then thankful for all my "sisters" who have called, texted, and emailed just to be an ear or a shoulder somehow always managing to deliver laughs, perspective and good news and help keep the balance of highs to these recent lows.

 

 

 

The colleagues who are proving to be dear friends and champions of women.

 



I even have a friend so new that I don't have a single picture with her yet.  What blessings!

So to combat the hurt, I turn my face away from the source and look upon all these amazing characters that make my life so colorful, beautiful, and remarkable.  For you all, I am so grateful.

sometimes everything goes completely sideways

I think I have cried at least once everyday for the past month.  All due to family strife of different sorts ... all seemingly hitting that tender chord with me of feeling misunderstood.  I have never been so mad, so sad, and so misunderstood.  My heart is broken, but I have the most amazing mother, the most loving husband and a remarkable family of friends ... all so willing to listen to me talk, watch me cry, and wipe my tears.

As I often say, "it'll all be OK in the end ... and if it's not OK right now, then it's not the end."

The heart hopes.
Namaste.

I had lots more to say

My beautiful health coach cousin, Heather, invited me to talk about Nutrition on our SHRED Challenge call last night.  I had a ton of notes and only 10 minutes to talk about it all.  I got so excited about what everyone was saying and sharing a single epiphany I've had about teaching my daughter nutrition that I fear I failed sharing probably some of the wisdom that was most applicable to the entire group.  So here's what else I wanted to share:

 

1) Herbalife is amazing and tastes great; my 2-year-old daughter begs for sips of my shakes.  Perhaps that is why Herbalife makes this.

 

2)  My husband started drinking one shake a day and just taking a lunch to work and lost nearly 25 lbs.  He was barely trying.  That speaks volumes about the impact even little purposeful changes to your nutrition can make huge differences in your health.

 

3)  Parents - please don't avoid working out at home because you have an audience (aka: our kiddos who laugh at everything).  My daughter thinks me doing push-ups and squats and crunches is hilarious!  Laughter is infectious and it works your abs!  Also, seize the moment, I had my best friend and her daughter, Daisy, over for a play date.  Daisy was doing something that resembled downward dog, so I said: "Yay!  You're doing yoga.  That's downward dog."  We laughed about the funny name and then she told me she is learning yoga in kindergarten.  So I ask her to show me what she is learning.  next thing you knew, we were having a little yoga session in my living room.  It turned out to be a great workout, my daughter was trying it too, and we made memories and got the kiddos excited about movement.  Win!  Score one for the parents.

 

4)  When making food choices for your family.  You can make the same dishes that you always did, just keep these things in mind: 

    a) Flip the ratio (make sure that the protein and veggies outweigh the starches on the plates)

    b) Dish up dinner on smaller plates (it tends to help people who are proned to clearing their plate  

          eat smaller portions)

    c) Keep the food on your plate colorful!  Naturally, colorful food is an indication that it's full of the good stuff (omegas, antioxidants, vitamins, minerals) and the kids looooooove color. For my   little one, I ask her to point out what food is green, blue, red, purple, etc.  It keeps her engaged.

    d) Just because someone in the family didn't eat a veggies or a healthy grain prepared one way   doesn't mean they'll hate it every way.  Don't give up; try new things.  Your family may think couscous is boring, but try adding toasted pine nuts, roasted garlic, some chopped parsley or arugula and a little feta ... orrrrr diced tomatoes, basil, and some grated parmiggiano reggiano. BOOM!  Yum fest!

    e) If veggies aren't your thing or your families thing, hide them!  We put chopped spinach in our meatloaf and grated zucchini in our home-made lemon bread.

   

I am by no stretch of the imagine a perfect mom, perfect wife or perfect human ... none of us are.  I make mistakes everyday.  What worked yesterday won't always work tomorrow, but I refuse to give up.  The key is that we are all human which means we have the awesome ability to adapt, overcome, improvise, and be a better version of ourselves than we were the day before.  Keep trying.  Keep in mind that fueling this gorgeous machine of our body is our number one responsibility, it affects every other aspect of what we do, see, and say.

 

OK, that's what I wanted to say.  To the SHREDDERS on the call last night, sorry I got off track and didn't get to share it all.  To my other readers, take care of yourself.  You wouldn't put off-brand regular unleaded in a Maserati, so why would you put artificial food with questionable ingredients and quality control in your body or the bodies of your loved ones.

Herbalife SHRED Challenge

So as some of you may know, I began on a health and weightloss journey in September 2011.  Bella was eight months old and I still had 7lbs of baby weight I wanted to get rid of.  I'll save the story of how it came to be for another blog, but I started Herbalife and began a mission to fit into all my suits again.  That was my goal.  Not a final weight or a final measurement, but just to be able to fit into my favorite black suit again.  So with the amazing modifications a woman's body makes to accommodate creating another human, losing the 7lbs was not enough to fit into the aforementioned suit again.  It took three months and 33 lbs to fit into that suit again, but I made it and I can rock it once again.

 

I have stayed on a maintenance plan with Herbalife, using the shakes and the supplements to stay healthy and have the energy to keep up with my growing toddler.  I love it, I feel amazing!  However, I have not made as much time to work out as I would like.  Did you notice the word choice there ... not I am too busy to work out, but that I have not made as much time to work out as my heart would like.  Thus, I am not as lean or strong as I dream of being.

 

So with the turning of the new year, my Herbalife family started a SHRED Challenge.  6 weeks, before and after pictures, top 2 men and top 2 women win a cash prize.  Perfect!!  Competition is a good way to encourage and in this competition all of the Shredders are sharing and encouraging each other, sharing recipes, workouts, motivational quotes and all things glorious and loving and encouraging.  I'm amped!  I am constantly being thoughtful and deliberate in my food choices.  However, we are at the top of Week 4 and my progress pics show no progress.  *sigh  The scale at one point showed 5 lbs. gone, but now I stand at only a 2lb. weight loss. *sigh 

 

I find myself being jealous of all the young 20-somethings in the challenge that do not have to cook for a family and thus can plan out an entire week of premade, premeasured low calorie, high protein meals.  They don't have to get home to bathe a child and thus have time to go to the gym everyday for 2 hours and burn 1200 calories in one gym session.  Then I snap out of it and remember that I am a 33-year-old mother who shares a home with my mother, father, husband, and daughter.  I love the challenge of finding ways to make healthy, nutritious, exciting, sensuous food for my family.  I remember that I live 15 miles from the closest gym and there are no lit sidewalks out here in the part of the county I live in.  I remember that I am an executive under extremely stressful, high pressure deadlines right now and I have managed to make time to do 30-minute Jillian Michaels videos here in my home office.  I remember that although my progress picture is not showing the physical transition that I have hoped for, the mental progress I have made is profound.  I love where I am in my life and I do not need to envy anyone else's reality.

 

For instance, last night rather than making the normal chicken enchilada casserole that used to consist of chicken, green chiles, tons of cheese, tortillas, and green chile sauce (from a can) that would usually be accompanied my Mexican-style rice or refried beans. I made the following variation:  Chicken and vegetable enchiladas (chicken, corn tortillas, half the cheese that would normally be included with corn, zucchini, squash, cilantro, and scratch-made tomatillo sauce) which was accompanied by a green salad with avocado, carrots, pepitas, organic heirloom tomatoes, cucumbers, and low-fat Trader Joe's Cilantro dressing.  My family ate it ... some even gave huge, glowing compliments of how delicious it was.  That, my friends, is success!  Success is not solely present in the number on a scale or whether or not your pants are looser.  Last night, it was present in the herbal tea I was drinking sweetened with organic agave rather than a Coke Zero.  It was present in the vitamin packed, reduced calorie, well-balanced, nutritious meal I made for my family.

 

I am so inspired by my Herbalife family and I want them to be inspired by me as well.  We are learning skills on how to improve our lives, by improving our health ... we are not solely learning how to have the most drastic before and after photo.  I am still fighting to win the competition, but I am being realistic and counting my daily victories and want to share it with all of you who may not be seeing the movement on the scale or your waist measurement that you were hoping for.  Success is defined by how we feel about ourselves everyday; are we proud of who we were today? I am; I am stoked on the shift I have made in myself!  I am so damn proud of how far I have come.  I am proud of the healthy habits I am teaching my family and modeling for my young daughter.  That success will never be present in a photograph other than the size of my smile in said photo.

 

Much love and health to you all!  And as a nod to the physical transition I have made.  Here is my before and after photo since Bella  was born and where I stand now in my current form.

What inspires you? What keeps you keeping on?

I have been so bad at keeping up with my blog; it always seems like something is going on.  I am so good at getting things done, making things happen for those I love, but I haven't been making time to write.  Tsk, tsk to me!  I am on the road today ... one of my infamous quick trips to Boston ... back on a plane tomorrow to head home to my handsome groom and my beautiful daughter!

 

We are in the midst of a huge life shift right now, the details of which will unfold and disclose themselves in their right time, but in the midst of this shift I have found myself really focusing on health.  Mine, Sean's and the health habits we are building in our daughter.

 

So I am human - a mom, a sister, a daughter, a friend, an executive (that travels a ton), a role model, and an enthusiast of life.  My default position is positive (albeit it took major life events to lock my dial on positive).

 

So in the midst of all of this, I find myself consciously acknowledging the things that keep me inspired.  So since every success we have as a human depends on how we feel ... every success depends on our health - mind and body.  With that said, I share with you the things that I fight to keep in the forefront of my mind because they keep me inspired to keep my chin up, eyes focused, and moving onward and upward.

 

This is what inspires me to keep healthy, to fight for my best health:

 

1) my daughter

2) not needing caffeine or energy drinks or sugar to keep my eyes open

3) not wanting to miss my bliss because I am not alert or able

4) wanting to be the bitchin' grandma (30 years from now when my daughter is a mother) that can go hiking with her grandkids, that can ride bikes, and jump in waves with my kid and the kids she may or may not choose to have one day

5) 50-year-old, mothers of three who practice Bikram six days a week and have a stronger, leaner body than i have ever had

6) those crazy Phoenicians who at 60+ years old still RUN up Piestewa Peak on Saturdays (you hear me, PHX?)

7) 60+ year old men who still paddle out to the breakers every morning

8) keeping my husband discovering new bliss everyday

9) inspiring my husband to continue discovering how healthy changes in his life overflow into every aspect of his life

10) feeling great on these long business road trips, so that if I have to be away from my family I can be confident that it was worth it and I did work worth being proud of

11) the complete and utter giddiness that washes over me every time an aesthetician or dermatologist tells me I have great skin!

12) wanting to be a positive role model for my two sister-in-laws who are nearly a generation younger than I

13) my undying desire to travel and learn more, see more, experience more

14) my fear of ever not being able to walk on my own

15) my fear of preventable disease

 

These are just a few of the things that have encouraged me and kept me on task as I try to build, shape, and refine my own health practice.  Good health means body and soul.  It starts in our cells with what we feed ourselves and everything expands out from there.  I am finding what works for me and I hope that you all take the time to actively acknowledge what inspires you and allow it to give you power to accomplish what you think you are not capable or worthy of.  Little hint:  you are capable and worthy of so much more than you give yourself credit for.

The last 12 months

I have been silent here for about a year now.  The return to San Diego has brought a lot of change to our world and I have definitely needed to focus on loving my family and learning how to be fair to myself in my new role as a mother. 

Lots of things have changed.  Families members have left their earthly bodies and moved on to whatever it is that is next for them.  Friends have married, started their families, and some have been charging through those curveballs of life and it all has left me overcome.  I am now realizing the truth of adult life that things never get easier, you just adapt, and things keep changing and you just keep having to adapt.

Sean has left the industry he has worked in for the first 14 years of his adult life and has embarked on a new career that he has spent the last twelve months fighting to get into.  If there is one word that describes my husband it is: determined.  I am so proud of him.  So impressed by the man that this last twelve months has helped form him into.

All dressed up for a Christmas party

 

I have returned to traveling quite a bit for work and find myself on the road more than I care to be, but all the while remain feeling blessed and grateful for such a life that has allowed me to see parts of the country that family vacations may have never brought me to.  My career has provided me with friends and colleagues all over this country and a travel schedule that allows me the occasional facetime that otherwise would not be likely.



Me and Bethie at a BoSox Game.  Fenway Park - Boston, MA

I am blessed.  I am thankful.  I am overwhelmed and awestruck by how dynamic life is and how beautiful the human spirit can be.

Our sweet Bella has grown so much.  She is tall and beautiful and hilarious ... the only hints of our baby left are her diapers and her cries of frustration that her tongue has not learned to articulate what her mind is thinking.

Here's just a few of our favorite pictures of Bella's first holiday season, her first snow, and so many other firsts!



Bella's 1st Thanksgiving



Bella's 1st Christmas

 

1st trip to the Children's Museum

Bella's 1st taste of Birthday Cake 

With all these firsts, she takes lots of naps.  Some she gives in to.  Some she fights 'til she can't fight any more.

 

 Seriously ... can you believe how big she is getting?

 

  

With Spring, came Bella's discovery of the great outdoors.  She now brings us her shoes and begs to go outside.  She cares very little about TV, but water and the outdoors seem to call to her.

 

 

She is hilarious and beautiful and fearless and so charismatic!

 

Oh and she loves music!  Here she is dancing with Auntie Dani at her first Farmer's Market this summer.

So that nearly catches us up with the basics for the past twelve months.  I am feeling a pull back into writing and sharing and opening new doors and windows and blazing new paths, so stay tuned!